keeping it in perspective

you haven’t done anything to deserve my heart. nothing particularly amazing to sweep my feet from beneath me. just little things that seem juggernaut size upon remembrance.

and I hate that…

hate that your memories creep on the floor of my mind. or exist like ticking sounds of time and the space of our sharing making thuds upon my cranium. songs I don’t like but now listen to because they played when we were…or they played while in your…and they played…they always seem to play…somehow…because you litter my skin with memories.

although they say one must never say never, i promised to never immortalize a man in my heART. ever again. but like the saying goes; never say never. ‘cause here I am rebellious to my own rules. etching you in the legacy that will outlive both author and her runaway train of emotions.

i like you. an ordinary specimen of man who upon coming into me, normalized my erratic lady cycle. there is nothing special about you. really. I swear by it. I tell myself this. regularly.

you

are

just

reg-u-lar.

but somehow with dazzling effects; smiles. laughter. untouchable bliss. peace. all in tow. just for me. in that presence of yours.

but I don’t want to love you. fear of it hurts like sadness. I mean what would I do with love for you? what could I possibly do with that or myself? seriously. what could I do with my self if it’s loving you? after all, you did say you want my heart. my love. yet regularly ignore the very beat it makes.

then again…what should I expect from a ‘regular’ chap?

painting by: Xan Xi Bethel